Handlebar Moustache Survey by Billy Stache of St Louis area
1. How long have you had a handlebar moustache, and what is your history with moustaches?
2 years. I grew a beard 15 years ago and it slowly evolved into its present state.
2. What moved you to grow a handlebar moustache? Do any relatives or ancestors have handlebar moustaches?
No relatives with mustaches. Obviously I grew it because handlebar mustaches are awesome.
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3. What are some of the reactions of others as you grew your handlebar moustache? What sort of reactions or comments did you get initially from your significant other?
I grew out a long bushy beard first then trimmed it down into a handlebar with chin curtain so there was no real growing phase that others could see. I just kind of showed up one day with it.
4. What are some of the funny or strange comments others have made about your handlebar moustache over time?
I honestly get a lot of comments, people do not mind offering an opinion apparently. “You look like” Wario, Yosemite Sam, Yukon Cornelius, Rollie Fingers, Guy Faulkes, a Victorian Gentleman, a French guy(?), an idiot… and the list goes on.
5. Has having a handlebar moustache had any effects on your personality/behavior, attitude, self-expression, sense of self?
Yeah I believe so. I have realized to what extent people truly look at and analyze others. So to some extent I feel like walking around with this is my way of saying this is me, and I am fresh out of f*@#s to give you.
6. What is it in your personality that drew you to growing a handlebar moustache?
I am an artist and a philosopher. So I am afforded some room for eccentricity and I choose to use it on looking like a 1920’S movie villain.
7. Have you been in any moustache contests or attended any such gatherings?
No I have not, in my experience having more than 1 handlebars in a single building can become dangerous. If things go wrong nobody will know which one of us is in charge.
8. It takes courage to wear a handlebar moustache. What would you say to those who think you look odd, silly or stupid with it?
I appreciate your point, but I believe thoroughly that your own self-consciousness and jealousy is not an attractive trait. Besides your girlfriend loves it!
9. What waxes, styling aids or glues to you prefer and why?
I make my own, this stuff is on my face and quite often in my mouth. Equal parts olive oil and coconut oil, a splash of tea tree oil for smell and sanitation and 25% beeswax for beard balm and 50% for stache wax. It is literally the best I have ever used and it is all able to be processed by the body safely. And I can make 6 months worth for less than $20.
10. What do you think a handlebar moustache does for a man?
Increases virility, intelligence, credibility, leadership ability and the ability to occasionally spontaneously impregnate nearby women.
11. How attached are you to your handlebar moustache and what would it take for you to cut it off or remove the curls and not grow it back?
If you have to ask you can’t afford it.
12. Have you accumulated any moustached merchandise, shirts, mugs or other stuff?
Nope. As Peewee Herman said, I don’t have to see it, I live it.
14. All about color: How closely does your moustache match the color of the hair on your head? How many colors are in your moustache? Do you like its color? Have you ever dyed it?
My hair is the same color as my mustache. Grey patches and all.
16. How has having a handlebar moustache affected your love life, dating, and does it interfere with kissing?
It hasn’t changed it too much honestly. I do ok with it. It definitely gets in the way when kissing. Most of the time when I know intimacy is immanent I put it up in rubber bands so as not to interfere with the task at hand.
17. What do you do for a living and what impact do you think your handlebar moustache has with customers, coworkers and superiors?
I am a director of personal trainers at a gym. To be honest I get a lot of comments on it and everyone is pretty cool with it.
18. Does your handlebar moustache give you any superpowers?
Yes of course. I have the ability to instantly disarm angry people with a flash of the stache, I can woo women from a mile away and I can smell things from a day or 2 ago.
19. Eating – neatly – can be a challenge with a larger moustache. Do you have any eating tips, or stories to share? Have you been tempted to remove the HB due to eating issues?
Again if it is a super messy meal incoming I will go with the rubber bands when it isn’t waxed. Otherwise I am just sure to take smaller bites and I am always prepared to break out a fork and knife on anything that could cause problems.
20. Have you ever styled your mustache in a comical manner or specifically for a Halloween costume?
No. This is a serious mustache. We don’t even smile in public.
21. What is your preferred style for your handlebar moustache, and do you do a variety of styles?
I like it a little looser, I wax it into position and then comb it out so it keeps the curly shape but the hairs maintain their independence.
22. Would you share your location and / or your age?
St Louis(ish) 34 y.o.